Lost

I kind of had a break-down yesterday by myself. And this post isn’t for pity, or for anything really. I just need to express how I’m feeling, which is mostly lost, and lonely.
I’m supposed to be going to UNI next year, but at this current moment, I don’t know where, or what I’m studying. I was really late in applications last year, and didn’t know what I wanted to do really. I still don’t know what I want to do. But the only thing I am certain of is that I’m going to Adelaide. I got into ‘Bachelor of International Tourism’ at Flinders, but I’m going to reapply for a different or same course at University of Adelaide, because it’s actually situated in the city. Also, I don’t know whether I want to go to UNI for the right reasons. I hear from people that UNI does shit all for you in the future, so why the hell am I trying so hard to make it? Honestly, I think I just want to go for the people, the parties, to just get away from this frickin’ town with an unbelievable amount of judgment and losers. There’s only a few people that are actually worth hanging around, but too many incest relationships between friends, ex-interests, ex-boyfriends, the works! We all need to start fresh. I would like to just once like to kiss a boy who hasn’t kissed/fucked everyone else I know. 
And also, with this whole youth allowance shit, I have to support myself through the whole of UNI, with no help from the government. And since I kind of fucked around, and didn’t get a proper job til 2 months ago, I am now working 2 and a half jobs. I’m still working at Gloria Jean’s, although if I don’t get enough hours, then I might have to quit, and find a better day job. I’m also working at the footy, either in the canteen or selling tickets at the gate during weekends. It’s fairly chill, and I’m making 20 bucks an hour, cash, which is the money I am using to spend freely (mostly on alcohol, credit, food and clothes). My other job is working at this restaurant. I’m the lady who greets people, and takes their orders, like the face of the restaurant, I guess. It started off pretty well; I consider myself good with people, so it was fun to interact with the regulars, take orders and call out their table numbers over the microphone (Yes, I was basically a bingo lady). But now, fake smiling to people all the god damn time is exhausting, and causing my mouth to form some crazy cheek muscles, if that is ever possible. I actually shouldn’t be complaining so much. I get paid 15 on normal nights, 20 on Saturdays, and almost 30 bucks on Sundays, which is awesome considering last Thursday I read almost 10 chapters from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, because the restaurant was so dead. And now I have buzzers to hand to people, so I don’t have to listen to myself over the speakers. It makes me cringe. You know what I mean, when you listen to a recording of your own voice. It makes you feel lame, and you always ask ‘Do I actually sound like that?’ Why, yes, unfortunately, you do.
So basically, I don’t really have time to do anything. Since I’m working Wednesday through to Sunday nights at the restaurant, the weekend nights are really annoying for me, for when I want to go out and rage. I’m a person who takes like at least an hour to get fully dressed, and properly ready, and I fucking despised being rushed. Well now, I’m rushing every single weekend until next year, when I move off to Adelaide. This sucks. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince comes out tomorrow, and I have to frickin’ wait til Saturday morning to see it ALONE, where these stupid people who don’t even read the fucking books, get to see it opening night. I hate my life.
I’m just really stressed out right now. With working so much, the early mornings at Gloria Jeans, and also waking up earlier than that to turn on the hot water so have a good shower, no support from the government to survive at UNI, and not knowing what I want to do with my life!... I just feel like I’m not going to make it. Like as soon as I get to UNI, I’ll keep fucking up, worse than what I was doing in high school, and won’t be able to change my attitude towards anything. I thought I would have it figured out by now. I was taking this year off to earn money for youth allowance, and figuring out what course, or what I want a career in. I am not any closer to figuring it out yet.
I just want some normalcy; I want the pressure to stop. I just want it all figured out, and stop waiting for next year to arrive, because I’m so in the dark right now with what awaits me, and it’s causing me to fall apart.

The Yellow Waste Bin.

Well, my weekend was a bit of a crazy one. Here's a spoiler: 

Sunday morning, me throwing up in a yellow waste bin, in the Woolworths carpark.

There was this Black&White 'Back to School' theme party on the weekend. By the way, who on earth thinks it's a good idea to mix two classic themes together? Like seriously? First I thought it was either one or the other, but no. The person who hosted the party thought these two themes like mixed together naturally. Well, they were way wrong. I didn't want to look like a penguin, I wanted to look like a school girl. Also, said person is still innn school. Why the hell were they having a 'Back to School' party? Unless, they were thinking about going back, as in going back on Monday morning? Hmmm...? That's the end of my complaints.

So we dressed up with the 'Back to School' theme, me, feeling like a bit of a whore, and somehow ended up getting massively drunk. So drunk, that I sat in a chair in the corner of the party area, throwing up all night. Massively unfun. Don't really remember much, except for being tackled on the floor and one point, dancing a bit like a maniac, and quoting Grease, but a couple hours later, I was being carried like a drunken princess to the taxi with my friends.

I had work the next morning at 8:30ish, so I slept for a couple hours, before getting up again and realising that I had lost my phone and I was also extremely hung over. After I had a shower, I ended up lying down on my floor/leaning on my heater, Keanu, because I couldn't stand to do anything. It took me about an hour to put on some pants.

By some miracle, I got to work on time, but still very hungover. While I was serving one costumer, my head started spinning, I started to sweat, and got immediate goosebumps - definitely the sign of I'm-about-to-throw-up-in-a-couple-seconds-so-get-me-to-a-toilet-STAT. So, I ran out the back door of my work place, with no time to make it to the bathroom, and threw up in those huge massive yellow waste bins. It was disgusting. I'm very lucky nobody saw me... Well, at least I don't think so.

The waste bin looked a bit like this. Yeah, I like went through the trouble of finding a picture of one on the net. But, I'm basically advertising. Check out all the neat facts about them. ^^^ An optional dolly base that allows easy mobility? Well, that's just grand, ain't it?

I left work early, saying I had food poisoning, or some stupid fake reason like that. But unfortunately somehow they found out that it was self-inflicted, and I got told off the next day. I swear they have spies or something at Gloria Jean's. They know everythingggg.

So, here's the moral to this story: No more drinking, ever. Or until this coming weekend, whatever comes first I guess.

Also, I finished watching the Nearly Famous finale. Now, I can't get it out of my head. It's one of those endings that is like 'NOOOO! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?', and it's still making me seriously upset. I like sobbed like a 12-year old girl when I watched it.

Oh, and about my phone. I was stressing because the taxi people give it to the police for lost property, and when I rang up, they told me nothing was handed in after the weekend, so I assumed someone had earnt themselves a new phone, so that sucked. But then, later Sunday night, the taxi driver called me, and said he found it!! So he fully came to my house, and gave it back to me. What a friggin' legend, right?!

Songs to loveeeee:

Kaki King - Pull Me Out Alive

Anberlin - Love Song

Bloc Party - Blue Light

Bon Iver - Skinny Love

Kings of Leon - Taper Jean Girl

Taking Back Sunday - Lost and Found

I Want YOU.

Ever since I went to the Take Action! Tour, where WhereWolves, Stealing O'Neal, Set Your Goals and All Time Low played (which was fucking awesome by the way), I haven't been able to get 'Umbrella' or 'Six Feet Under The Stars' out of my head. Something else I haven't been able to get out of my head, is this gorgeous man:

Alex Gaskarth

Please come back into my life. 

The World Fucking Hates Me.

The world fucking hates me. I don't know what I have done that is so bad lately, or in a previous life, but the world is totally out to screw with me, because a thousand non-coincidental things have happened to me today. Why me?

I went out to Finke on the weekend, and as punishment for having a fun time, the world decided to give me the flu. It wasn't even that bad to begin with. It felt like it was going away yesterday, then BAM! this morning I felt like I was on my fucking deathbed or something. Basically coughing up my lungs, breathing through my mouth (because I couldn't breathe through my nose, which is something I really hate, because when you're breathing through your mouth the whole night, you wake up with the SOREST THROAT OF YOUR LIFE! the next morning.) Totally bogus, right? 

A couple hours ago I thought I was getting a headache, which sort of freaked me out, because one of the symptoms of swine flu is a headache. But this ache was coming further back and to the left side of my head... from my fucking ear. Yeah, I had a fucking ear ache. Something I have never had in my entire life. So now when I cough, sneeze or blow my nose, my ear is in unbelieveable pain. Funnnn.

You know how when you're sick, you're weak and everything hurts? Well my back really hurts, and my neck feels like I slept with it in the wrong position all night, so I'm unable to to turn it to the left without it feeling like knives are being driven through the back of spine. Also super-fun.

Well, since I've been sick I've basically been lying in the loungeroom watching Avatar and One Tree Hill all day, and Mommy Dearest comes in and starts abusing me because I'm running up the electricity bill. What the fuck else do you expect me to do? Run a marathon? Plant some fucking trees? I'm sick for Christ's sake; there's not much else I can do. 

But the world is still not done with inflicting misery and pain on me. It decided to use my gender against me, and give me the fucking cramps. What the fucking fuck? And then, out of fucking nowhere my nose begins to bleed. I have a fucking. blood. nose.

So I get up out of lounge, my back and neck in pain, my ear aching, my cramps feeling like they're ripping out my insides, and blood pooling in my hands. (Yeah, it's a pretty image right?) 

My god, the world fucking hates me.

 

All Time Low

I'm seeing these guys, 4th June. I'M SO FRICKIN' EXCITED!

I Fucking Love Hotcakes!

You know how birthdays suck? Like major suckage occurs. Well, it always happens to me. On my 12 birthday, I was in grade 7, and since I was a big loser, nobody called me to wish me 'Happy Birthday'. On my 13th birthday, I'm pretty certain I had a massive fight with like my whole family, so basically cried for the entire day. Turning 14, I was starting my Grade 9 Endeavour Camp. It didn't feel very special. Who wants to be dirty and walking through prickles and spiky spinifex on their birthday? ...Well, not me. My 15th birthday was one of the better ones. I was in Canada on Grade 10 exchange. Everyone sang to me in the dining hall, and we had this birthday gathering in my boarding house. In Grade 11, I carried around balloons around with me all day for 'The Biggest Morning Tea', but other than that, nothing else oozed awesomeness. Turning 17 in Grade 12 was better. Besides getting in a stupid fight with Mum at lunch, I had a really good night. But then a bit of drama occurred later, so the night went a bit downhill from there. But my most recent birthday, the 24th of May, 2009. My 18th - God! It was the best birthday I've had yet.

I'm in Brisbane at the moment, staying with my sister, so on my birthday day, me, Cardine and Kiara went to West End to have brunch. Brunch is something I love - more than most people. And also something I've wanted badly to have on my birthday. Too bad the restaraunt basically forgot about us, and we ended up waiting an hour and a half to eat while my stomach was growling like a pack of hungry wolves. But finally we got our massive brunches, with some complimentary coffee and champagne for the now-legal birthday girl.

After brunch, Cardine and Kiara left me to go find me a birthday sash, while I hung out with my ex-boyfriend-boyfriend-ex-boyfriend-boyfriend-ex-boyfriend-now-new-just-friend. (We won't go into that... Let's just say, it's 3 1/2 years of complicated.) That night, me and Kiara went over to Cardine's to get ready, and pre-drink at her apartment, with her and her roomie, Angie. Kiara and Cardine couldn't find me a birthday sash in the city, so they used their very artistic skills in making one for me in the end!


Finally, we took a cab to the Normanby. I got shouted a few free drinks from randoms, as well as Cardine buying me a shot of QUETILA! We danced a lot, ran around, and then me, Angie, Cardine and Brendan (one of Angie's boys), decided to leave to go to the Family, while Kiara caught a cab home.
The Family is the funnest club in the Valley, but on Sunday nights - IT'S GAY NIGHT. I've never had so much fun. Seriously. Downstairs, there's like a stage at the front of the club, and then on the dancefloor, there's little podiums all around, where people can jump on and break it downnnn! I'd be dancing on stage most of the night with a few gay guys, and then jump on the podiums and point at people to come dance with me. 'You! you! and you! COME DANCE WITH ME!!'


I'm guessing it would have been 5ish in the morning, we ended up leaving the Family, with a group of awesome gay guys, and we all went to MACCAS for some awesome breakfast. Charlie (my favourite gay), and me kept singing that song from Bring It On. I love him. After, we walked through the mall, (me and Cardine barefoot, because I had KILLER heels, and 'My balls hurt!' a lot.) Only got to sleep at Cardine's after 6am. BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.


Best Birthday Quotes:
- 'Tights as pants!'
- 'Make a face like you just saw the CARE BEARS!'
- 'Am I boring you?'
- 'My balls hurt!'
- 'I just gotta say this, I just gotta say this... I fucking LOVE hotcakes!'
- 'No Alberto... No.'
- 'OH MY GOD. We all have hair ties!'
- (When some boy went to kiss Cardine at the Family) 'I thought you were gay!'


and now... Songs from the Newly-Wise:
The Gifthorse - Distance
Phantom Planet - Do The Panic
Brand New - Jesus Christ
The All-American Rejects - Time Stands Still
Sia - Breathe Me
Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart
Gotye - Hearts A Mess
Set Your Goals - The Fallen

Going...

I'm going to Brisbane in a couple hours. Catch up, ha!

FUCK.

Right now, I hate everything.

#1 - I HATE THE GOVERNMENT.

I mean, really, they're changing youth allowance rules half way through the fucking year? Do they not realise that all of us planning to go to UNI in the year 2010 are FUCKED?! Makes me want to get knocked up, or get married so I can qualify. (These are a couple of the pathetic exceptions to get youth allowance. They're basically encouraging us to SLUT IT UP so we can go to UNI. WTF?) The only way I might be able to earn it, is by working like a b-zillion hours over 18 months, and since I'm planning to go to Adelaide in Feb, that means it will have only been 12 months. And I was a fuckwit, trying to fucking find a job that didn't totally suck for two months of this year. So, I'll have to get another job, and work something ridiculous like 54 hours a fucking week to receive youth allowance at all! What the fucking fuck? 

#2 - I HATE THE YEAR 2009.

People say gap year supposed to be AWESOME. Let's just exclude youth allowance from all of this, but what the fuck is so great about this year? Yeah, we're not in school, but I am so fucking bored all the god damn time. Were people completely high during their entire gap year, or am I just not doing it right? Because I'm not experiencing any 'awesomeness' at all. It fucking sucks.

#3 - I HATE STUPID SCHOOL KIDS.

I'm walking home from work, and I always see stupid douche-bags loitering around town for no fucking reason, and it just pisses. me. offffff. Here I am, working all day, coming home to a fucking freezing house every night, feeling gross all the time because I'm so bored, I take it out on my face, stressing because I don't think I'll be able to qualify for youth allowance (basically having a middle-life crisis at 17 years of age), and here are these idiot Marilyn Manson wannabees hanging infront of the cinema, smoking, listening to their lame heavy metal, and it annoys the fuck out of me. 

FUUUCKKKK YOU ALLL.

Fuck fuck fucking, motherly fucking fuck. I'M SO FUCKING ANGRY..m erigo3q4q345#@$%#$^$^@$

Fuck.

Oil Can, Please.

I accidentally forgot to set my alarm for earlier than 8am this morning. Because of this, I wasn't able to follow the Price family tradition and make Mum breakfast in bed for Mother's Day, because I didn't have enough time to do that, and also get ready for work. She was so upset because she felt under-appreciated, and I hadn't gotten her anything because I'm broke as fuck. Now I'm down to only a couple cents in both my wallet, and bank account, because I haven't got paid for last week's work yet. I suck. It gets worse though.

My mum had this art exhibition this afternoon from 3-5pm. This is her first exhibition ever, which she has put so much effort into. She spends majority of her time she's not at work, or cleaning the house, painting - and I tell you, she's pretty fucking amazing at it. So I finished work at 3pm, completely prepared to go help Mum with the exhibition, or just be there for her, but I had to go home first to get changed and everything. Basically 5minutes in the door, and I get the worst cramps in the world. (Fuck you, males. It's so hard being a woman) So in the end Dad had to go back to the exhibition without me, while I stayed at home in the worst pain imaginable. And it sucks, because it totally sounds like the worst excuse EVER to get out of helping her, when I genuinely wanted to go. The world hates me, and wants me to suffer.

I've written her an apology note, and have also bought her a flower and the prettiest cupcake they sell at GJ's, with the remainding of my dollars I had left. Hopefully she'll hate me less when she sees it all. But yeah, I suck, majorly. Happy Mother's Day to all!

The only song to be listened to today:

John Butler Trio - Treat Yo Mama

58 Points Earnt For The Long Weekend

My hands are really dry. If I didn't know these hands were actually mine, I would think they belonged to an old, old woman in her nineties. My mother always said throughout my tom-boy days from Grade 2 through to Grade 6, that 'No boy is ever going to want to hold your hands with them like that.' You know what this means?! My whole love-life is dependant on whether or not my hands are moisturised and in youthly condition. (I don't even think youthly is even a proper word.) 

The most recent weekend was the weekend of pure and absolute awesomeness. First of all, it was a long weekend - Plus 5. Second of all I attended Wide Open Space Festival - Plus 18. Thirdly, I was massively stoned every. single. night. - Plus 35. I'm on 58 points! (And yes, I had to use the calculator on my phone, because I'm retarded and can't add up numbers properly. I would like to say this is caused by the fact I haven't been in school for 6 months, but that's a lie. Even in school I counted on my fingers a lot). 

Wide Open Space was brilliant. Me and Lilly drove out there on the Friday arvo, and ended up coming back into town early Sunday morning. The time we spent there we swayed to some folky music, mastered the running-man, drank plenty cocktails, went for crazy trailer rides, loved loved loved Dr Strangeways, passed out before Urthboy even came on, (A big DAMN IT. Although they went on stage at 2am. That's a bit ridiculous), chilled on the legendary FU, and a lot of other chill activities)

Hold up.. I think my ride is here to go to dinner. CHICKEN SCHNITZEL, HERE I COME!

Ok, I'm back, and feeling fat and sassy.

I have never in my life seen so many naked women before Saturday morning. In the showers, they would just all strip off! down to nothingggg and be completely at ease with their nudity in front of 20 other girls. Lilly even thought she saw two ladies walking into a cubicle to sex at one stage. Sweeeeet.

When I got back home Sunday morning, I got a couple hours sleep before getting for another night camping, out on top of Mount Nathan. There was a good small group around the campfire drinking, sharing truffles and cheese rolls. In my stony haze I went for a drive into town with Rossy, where I felt like I was in a Playstation game. I was sitting in the passenger seat, pretending to drive with my invisible steering-wheel in front of me, as well as blowing up shit on the side of the road, and accompany these actions with awesome sound effects. 'Pow pow! BAM! Poh, pow! Bam bam K-POW!'

Don't really remember much else except feeling as though my arms were midgety-short, after falling asleep I'm pretty sure I was close to burning a hole through my jeans, and also through possibly a couple layers of my ass when the swag lit on fire, and FREEEEEZING all night because Kelsey is a whore, and stole all the sleeping bag cover. (Filthy filthy warmth-stealing thief - stealing jackets, then sleeping covers. Who knows what will be gone next?!)

You know how sometimes you don't feel hungry, until you see someone else eating, or until someone offers you food, and then you realise how fucking starving you actually are? Well, this happened to me on Sunday night, but crazy amounts, because I had mad munchies.
Taylor: Do you want some chips?
Me: Nah... Wait! I NEED THEM. 

But all up, it was a very good long weekend, hence the 58 points accummulated, and here are the photos to prove it.

Snoogans.

The Greatest In The World

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

This is my favourite show ever.

Give me a quote, I'll name the episode.

Ok, I'm going to watch some now. Yayyyy.

When There's Nothing Else To Burn, You Have To Set Yourself On Fire.

I came home to techno music blaring from my house. Dad always puts on the radio before everyone leaves to work, so outsiders will think people are home, and won't try and break in and steal shit. But the reality is, it tricks no one. It's basically showing a sign on our front gate, saying 'ROB ME. NO ONE IS HOME', because it's so obvious that the Price Family would never be pumping techno music at any time of the day. Ridiculous. (Yes, and I probably shouldn't have blogged this information. Bet you in the next couple days, my house is going to be broken into).

My work is awesome. I don't know if it's because I've just started, and everything is usually good when it's new and exciting, but I'm lovinggg this job. There's a lot of things to remember, but the hours pass fairly quickly, I get to listen to CBD (this band reminds me of my entire childhood) & Jamiroquai all day, and there are regular customers that always come in every morning. It's like living in Stars Hollow. They're the most interesting characters.

Tomorrow X-Men Origins: Wolverine comes out Australia-wide, and MY GOD, I'm so frickin' excited to see it! I'll bust out my new Wolverine shirt I found in this men's shop, but that I had to have and maybe even style my hair so it's sticks out to the side like James Howlett/Logan/the coolest Marvel character ever. I'm even going to grow sideburns.

Level Ten

My wisdom teeth are KILLING me. I can't even chew on the right-hand side of my mouth, so I look like a retard tilting my face to the left whenever I take a bite of something.

Ugh, I feel sick. It is never a good idea to eat fish curry after you've been throwing up the night before. It will just make you feel ill again. A meatball sub from Subway, on the other hand, is always a good choice. And it will taste even better the day after a big night. Trust me.

Shout out to Steven, who is 18 today. It was indeed his party that I got quite sick at.  Started off the night with a b-zillion shots of this 'Cowboy' mix, and then proceeded to drink these new flavoured cruisers which taste exactly like FAIRY FLOSS! I'm not even kidding. They're pretty anddd yum. And the vanilla-flavoured cigars made everything go down quite nicely. I think I may have also had some rum throughout the night, but the details of everything that happened are hazy.

I was on about a Level One of drunkness, and then had another couple of shots, and then 20 minutes after... BAM! It turned into a Level Four, then quickly jumped to a Level Six. I was on the chair in the family room, bin supplied by Lilly with her quick intiative, hair pulled back by Chen, and I think a lot of other people surrounding to watch the excitement of me throwing up the entire content of my stomach. Ew. (Obviously at Level Ten)

Felt a lot better after that, and with some cold party pies, I was back down to a Level Four. At 12ish, everyone else headed up town which sucked, because that meant I had to go home. Had an awesome 12hour sleep though. Ended up getting up at 12:30pm. What up?